Archive for May, 2008
- I’m not using that litter box till you clean it out! (and maybe not then!)
- Who, me? That plant was shredded when you bought it.
- How DARE you expect me to eat that DRY food! You should be feeding me SUSHI!
- That goldfish would’ve died anyways.
- Mice do hide in SOCKS!
- My favourite seat is your LAP!
- Your ears taste nice.
- Now listen here door-opener, when I say open I mean OPEN!
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It’s ok to wear the same things everyday.
Sleeping is very underrated, … as is stretching.
Never crack your knuckles.
Grooming requires a serious time commitment.
Remember to wash behind your ears, in between your toes and under your arms.
Keep your nails trimmed and hair clean.
Pee without getting any on your feet.
Eat when you’re hungry, when you’re not hungry, play with your food.
If you don’t see it, ask for it.
Counters are the best place to sit in a kitchen.
Show some discretion.
Don’t burp in public.
Have no qualms about sharing a plate of food, or eating leftovers.
Drink milk.
Try not to obsess about cholesterol.
Be hard to leave.
Notice squirrels, investigate shadows, and chase butterflies.
Make your own hours.
Shred all documents.
Money is only paper.
Be curious.
Get to know people in high places, somehow.
Don’t be afraid to take chances.
Take a moment to recover your dignity, but don’t dwell on the past too much.
Don’t always come when you are called.
Try new things.
Take time to eat some flowers.
Stare unabashedly.
Test limits.
Be tolerant, but not overly accommodating.
Get mad when you are stepped on.
Forget that you were stepped on.
Know all the sunny places.
Sometimes you can’t explain your actions.
Sometimes you can’t explain yourself.
Have a sneeze that is the envy of others.
Make yourself vulnerable, but don’t be afraid to bite the hand that feeds you.
Challenge yourself.
Share your victories.
Recycle.
Exercise daily.
Go barefoot.
Obey your instincts.
Claim your own chair.
Flaunt your hair loss.
Vary your hangouts.
Make the world your playground.
Recognize the toy in everything.
Make the most of unstructured time.
There is always time for a nap.
Be easy to come home to.
Show affection and contentment.
Everyone is entitled to an occasional mood swing.
The faster you run upstairs, the more likely you are to forget why you went up there in the first place.
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind.
Love unconditionally.
Avoid company you do not like.
Accept that all company may not like you.
Depend on others without losing your independence.
Enjoy your own company.
Be a good listener.
Invite yourself to dinner.
Don’t drool.
Scratch when and where it itches.
Get used to silences.
Be entertaining, strike poses, wiggle your ears.
Jump right into the middle of things.
Just because you’re home, you don’t have to answer the phone.
Ask for attention.
Feel no guilt.
Use negative attention getting tactics only as a last resort.
Ignore television.
Yawn like you really mean it.
Find a good lap to curl up in.
Be soft.
Be cool.
Be mysterious.
Be able to make someone feel better just by being there.
Make people wonder what you do at night.
Be good at finding things in the dark.
Have a warm bed.
Be loved.
Dream.
If the tail is curved gently downward, then curved up again at the tip: The cat is relaxed and comfortable.
If the the tail is slightly raised and softly curved:The cat is beginning to get interested in something.
If the tail is erect, but tip is tilted over, either forward or back: The cat is very interested and feeling friendly.
If the tail is fully erect and tip is vertical: The cat is offering a friendly, cheerful greeting.
If the tail is erect with whole length or tip quivering gently: The cat is showing affection.
If the tail is still, but the tip is twitching occasionally: The cat is slightly irritated or pensive.
If the tail is still, but tip is twitching intensely: The cat is very annoyed.
If the tail is swishing vigorously from side to side: The cat is angry.
If the tail is straight up and fully bristled: The cat is showing aggression.
If the tail is arched and bristled: The cat may attack if further provoked.
If the tail is lowered and fluffed out: The cat is afraid.
If the tail is raised and fluffed out (the “Big Tail”): The cat is probably happily chasing around.
If the tail is fully lowered, perhaps tucked between hind legs: The cat is showing defeat or submissiveness (toward another cat).
If the tail is held to one side, and the cat is crouched or with rump in air: This female cat is ready to mate.
Why does a cat frequently demand attention when you’re on the telephone?
The cat, since it can’t see the person you are talking to, presumes you are talking to him, and is responding to what he perceives is your conversation with him.
Why does a cat scratch the furniture or a scratching post?
While some people think a cat scratches to sharpen its claws, that is probably inaccurate. There are typically two reasons for scratching: the cat is marking its territory (cats have sweat glands between their paw pads, and scratching leaves their scent on the clawed object); or, the cat is “filing down” its nails and removing the outer layer
Why do some cats insist on drinking from a dripping faucet?
Cats - like most other animals - prefer their food and water fresh, and running water is most appealing for that reason. Too, the motion of water coming out of a faucet is probably appealing to their sense of hearing and sight. Some cats will even put their paw into their water dish and “swirl” it around so they can drinking “running” water.
The only time we really suffer is when we’re very very hungry, but any cat who owns a family doesn’t ever get that hungry, and street cats - well the smart ones get along.
Want to know why we don’t suffer? Because we don’t resist. Resisting is what causes suffering, and resistance is generated in our minds, so suffering is really mind generated and hasn’t got much to do with external circumstances. How does that work? well if we’re tired - we go to sleep. And when we’re up we’re up. If we’re hungry we walk over to our bowl and eat, and when we’re full we stop. If a dog starts chasing us and barking at us we either stop, stare him in the eye and hiss (which confuses him and makes go away) or climb a tree (which really drives it crazy). Either way - within a minute th crisis is behind us. Gone. We don’t obsess about it, worry about the next time or fall in love with our victimness. We took care of it. Its over.
I know i’ve said it before, and at the risk of repeating myself - Ahhh, if only humans were half as smart as we are!!
- Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
- No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
- Cat door so large it needs a garage door opener.
- Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
- Only catches mice that get trapped in its gravitational pull.
- Enormous belly keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
- Has more chins than lives.
- Always lands on her spleen.
- Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
- Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
- You get email flames from some guy named Fluffy.
- Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
- You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
- Your web browser has a new home page at www.catsblog.org
- Your mouse has teeth marks in it … and a strange aroma of tuna.
- Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of “CyberDog.”
- Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
- You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
- On ICQ, you’re known as the IronMouser.
- Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
Humans are used to nursing a sick child or loved one, but most pets don’t become ill very frequently. When it does happen, you’ll know it. Your pet will likely experience vomiting or diarrhea and may be less outgoing than usual. If the symptoms persist for more than half a day or so, you should take your cat to your vet.
Nursing a pet at home is often an all-day and all-night event. You want your pet to overcome the illness quickly, and you are concerned for your pet, so you want to do everything in your power to heal it. You should pay close attention to what your vet tells you to do. Many pet owners don’t listen to their vets and their pets’ conditions grow increasingly worse.
You want to make sure your cat has a clean, soft, warm bed to lie in. It needs to be draft-free and quiet. You want to make sure your cat spends a lot of time there resting peacefully so its body can heal itself. You don’t want to subject your cat to any excessively warm or cold conditions when it’s sick, either. So don’t take it outside if it’s hot or cold. You also don’t want to overexert itself during exercising. You want to make sure it does move around and gets some exercise. But don’t let it grow too tired from walking or playing.
Giving your pet lots of love is perhaps the most important thing you can do for your sick pet. Make sure it understands that you know it’s not feeling well and are sympathetic toward it. Make sure you love it more than ever, so it will have a positive attitude toward healing.
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan ……
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage….
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.