Archive for June 7th, 2008
Take a few minutes to see how well you know your feline best friend.
a) I adore you
b) I can outstare you
c) If you ever get your lazy butt out of that chair, maybe I can get fed.
b) Will you play with me?
c) If I bump this hard enough, maybe it’ll break open and tuna will fall out
Your cat brings you a mouse with it’s head missing. Is it saying:
a) Here is a present for you
b) I am a mighty hunter, stroke me
c) this would look better surrounded by tuna
Your cat licks his paws. Is it:
a) Instinctively grooming itself
b) Bored
c) Getting ready to cat-slap you if you don’t give him some food soon
Your cat sticks his paw under the bottom of the door and frantically waves. Is it saying:
a) Imaginary mice are fun!
b) Please open this door
c) If I can build up these biceps, I can open my own cat food cans
Your cat rubs against your leg. He is:
a) Showing you affection
b) Trying to get your attention
c) Trying to push you into the kitchen where the food is kept
Your cat runs ahead of you and then rolls on his back. It it saying:
a) Rub my tummy
b) Catch me if you can
c) I am so exhausted from hunger, I can only run 2 feet at a time
Your cat backs up to your best piece of furniture and sprays. Is it saying:
a) This is mine! I must mark it!
b) I had a little extra pee I didn’t know what to do with
c) Follow this smell to the kitchen cupboard where the food is kept.
Your cat rubs his whiskers against your hand. He is:
a) Showing you he loves you
b) Petting himself
c) Trying to push your hand into the canopener
Your cat chases a moth in the air. He is:
a) Instinctively honing his hunting skills
b) Excersizing
c) Showing you he is insane with hunger and will eat ANYthing.
Your cat swishes the water in the toilet. Is it trying to:
a) Just have a little fun
b) Catch a quick drink
c) Show you that he can always snag a tuna swimming upstream if you don’t feed him soon
Your cat poops outside the litterbox. Is it saying:
a) This box is too filthy to poop in
b) This looks like a good spot to poop
c) See how little I have to poop, you better feed me!
b) I just want to stay close to you
c) I’ll be the first one to know when you’re awake so you can feed me
Your cat sits in the window and stares at the birds. Is it:
a) Thinking about how beautiful birds are
b) Wishing it could catch one
c) Mentally telling you that bird-in-a-can would go great with Pounce Treats
Your cat sleeps in a discarded cardboard box. Is it:
a) Laying where it feels safe
b) Feeling all cozy
c) Showing you what size coffin to buy if you don’t feed it soon
Your cat munches on your houseplant. Is it saying:
a) mmmmm..good
b) I love to puke up this stuff
c) I’ll eat every damn thing in this house that doesn’t move if you don’t open a can of tuna soon. Feed me!
Your cat paws at the tv screen. Is it:
a) Chasing moving images
b) Bored
c) Trying to pull out the Whiska’s lady thru the screen to feed him.
Your cat waits and meows at the door when you arrive.Is it saying:
a) Hello, I missed you!
b) The stupid dog ate the plant an puked.
c) Did you catch some tuna? Feed me!
Now your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying:
a) Please don’t leave me here all alone.
b) Adios.
c) Hey you! Slave! Pick me up a can of tuna while you’re out
Your cat digs its claws in your leg. Is this:
a) Primal hunting instinct.
b) A “love tap”.
c) Testing to see if you are tender & “done”.
Your cat scratches at the door after being fed: Is it saying:
a) Let me out, I need to use the sandbox.
b) I want to go out and roam.
c) I Wonder what’s to eat next door?
Your cat rolls on his back in front of you. Is it saying:
a) Please rub my tummy
b) Aren’t I cute?
c) I am having seizures from lack of tuna. Feed me!
Your cat is sound asleep in the window. It is thinking:
a) Nothing, he’s sleeping
b) Ah, this sun feels good
c) Can’t you tell I’ve fainted from hunger??! Feed me!
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Score:
Mostly a : You are your cat’s slave
Mostly b : You are onto your cat’s ways
Mostly c : Give your cat the car keys and let him go buy his own tuna!
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- One day, without your permission, he gets his ears pierced.
- Your credit card is overcharged, mainly for “9-Lives”
- You find attached to the refrigerator a note that reads: “Leave a steak on the front porch at midnight, or you’ll never see Spot again”.
- Too many times a week your cat comes home after one in the morning, totally plastered and with a strong odour of catnip about him.
- You come home to catch him in the act of raiding your liquor cabinet.
- Several hundred dollars’ worth of phone calls appear on your phone bill to “1-900-PUSSYCAT-MEOW”
- You find out that the lifetime’s supply of cat food wasn’t a prize from “Kitten’s Life” magazine, but that your cat has been selling drugs in the neighbourhood
- After failing to get your attention with constant meows and by rubbing up against your leg, your cat pulls out his Magnum-44 and aims it at you, demanding “Friskies” and catnip.
